Akatsuki: crack fiction!
by Fyremistress
Summary: The Akatsuki story. Daily lives and such. Will Pein ever find out about what Hidan said?...and more
1. Chapter 1: Pein's Gossip Angst

Akatsuki: READ ME!!!!

By: Fyremistress

Note: There will be some cursing so BEWARE people who believe that cursing is bad!

There will be words in different languages so at the end of every chapter there will be a reference for all you dattebayos who can't read.

Pein sat in his quarters massaging his second to the bottom nose piercing. He always did that when he was trying to stay calm. Earlier that day he had heard Hidan talking to Deidara and Kisame about the other members. When he overheard them they were actually talking about him. Talking isn't the right word exactly….They where laughing about something Hidan had said. What Hidan said, Pein will never know but that didn't stop him from guessing.

_He probably made a comment on the MANY uses of my other bodies and what EXACTLY I use them for, _Pein thought.

"Tobi-san didn't do it! Tobi is a good boy." Tobi yelled while running down the hall past Pein's doorway. An evil grin spread across Pein's face. He was plotting something and when Pein is plotting something he is more dangerous than you in a room full of bloodthirsty manga collectors holding a limited edition Bleach volume in mint condition.

"Tobi," he called softly. "Could you come here please?"

Upon hearing Pein calling him, Tobi hesitantly made his way to his leader's room.

" Tobi didn't break the T.V," he said softly._ What is this idiot blabbering about now? _Pein thought, annoyed.

"Deidara is the one who shoved Tobi and caused Tobi to let go his lollipop. Honestly!" Tobi exclaimed..

"Of course Tobi didn't break the T.V," Pein purred. "Tobi is a good boy."

"YEPS! Tobi is a very good boy!" Tobi said happily.

"Since Tobi is such a good boy, would Tobi mind telling me what Hidan, Deidara, and Kisame where laughing about earlier today?" Pein asked sweetly.

"Oh that? Tobi heard that. Hidan was making jokes about Pein-sama, Kakasu, Zetsu, and Sasori." Tobi explained, quite proud of himself for being able to help Pein-sama.

"Does Tobi remember what Hidan was saying?" _I'm so close._

"Nope. They stopped talking when I came in and wouldn't start talking again until I left. It made me feel really bad so that's when I got my lollipop…speaking of lollipops can Tobi have a lollipop for helping Pein-sama?'

"Fine." Pein said, no longer bothering with the false niceness no that he found out that Tobi was of no use to him.

"Yay! By the way, Tobi really didn't break the T.V"

"I get it Tobi now will you please leave me for a bit so that I can think." Pein said coldly.

Sensing that Pein wasn't in the mood to be nicey nicey anymore Tobi left the room happily, already thinking about his lollipop and whether Deidara would get in trouble for breaking the T.V seeing as it was his fault in the first place.


	2. Chapter 2: Rituals and lollipops

_Damn Tobi! _Hidan thought. For some reason his mind could only process the fact Tobi broke the T.V with a lollipop, everything else was lost in the Jashin worshipping ness that was Hidan's minds. He was just thinking about sacrificing Tobi to Jashin when Kismae walked in.

"Look what that little licorice wearing, lollipop loving, dumbshit Tobi did to the T.V!" Hidan said motioning toward the broken box in the middle of the room. The was the end of a lollipop's stick showing from a large hole in the T.V screen. _Stupid Tobi must've rammed the thing into the screen pretty damn hard just to make a dent with a lollipop, there's no way he could have broken the screen with just a lollipop by "accident"_, Hidan thought venomously. _Maybe I _WILL_ sacrifice him to Jashin-sama._

"How did he do THAT?" Kisame, a.k.a fish boy, asked incredulously.

"Why don't you ask him yourself? But you might wanna get to him before I do or else you won't have another chance to."

"What are you gonna do to him Hidan?"

"Nothing much…I'm just running out of sacrifices and who would be better than Tobi?"

"Your right…maybe we should go and find him?" Kisame said with and evil grin. "I mean it is his fault that we're missing or favorite programs right now anyway, right?"

"Right"

And with that Kisame and Hidan started to walk out of the doors when Tobi bounded in with another abnormally large lollipop, licking it happily.

"Tobi! We were just looking for you!" Kisame said

"Yea we want you to come with us for a bit, ok?" Hidan said as sweetly as he could manage, which was actually not the sweet but more of a choked off growl.

"Really? Wait what are we gonna be doing because Tobi was supposed to be helping Deidara-san?" Tobi asked.

"We're gonna be playing a game." Kisame said, inching towards Tobi.

"Really, what game?" Tobi asked, not noticing that now BOTH Kisame and Hidan where walking towards him."

" Oh, its called who can kill the little fuck face that broke the T.V," Hidan said while pouncing onto Tobi, soon followed by Kisame who nearly impaled himself on Hidan's scythe. After a quick struggle Hidan hoisted the now unconscious Tobi over his back and began to make his way to his ritual site.

"Put Tobi down, Hidan," called a calm yet stern voice from above. Looking up Hidan saw, to his dismay, that Pein, the pierced leader of the Akatsuki, on the stairwell wearing his normal semi-unsettling blank expression.

"This piece of shit broke the T.V, he might as well get punished," Hidan said motioning to the limp form of Tobi over his shoulder.

"I understand that he broke the T.V, but that's no reason to sacrifice him," Pein said

"I wasn't going to sacrifice him," Hidan said, his face turning a little paler. His left eyelid also dropped a bit and the muscles in his right arm tightened a bit.

_So that's how he looks when he is lying, Pein thought gleefully, though his face betrayed nothing about what was going on in his head. In fact his face looked somewhat blanker than usual._

"_So what were you going to do to him?" Pein asked while in his had he wondered what they would say._

"_We…umm…-"_

"_We were taking him to Deidara," Kisame intervened._

"_Right.. We were taking him to Deidara," Hidan agreed._

"_Really? Go on," Pein said, without another word._

_Kisame and Hidan walked out of the hallway and into yet another room which led to the hall to Deidara's cavern. They were still shaken by Pein so they decided against killing him. Themselves. A plan was already forming in Hidan's head. _

"_Kisame, what do you think Deidara will do to Tobi if we get him hyper and lock him in Deidara's room with little Dei-Dei-kun in there, huh?" Hidan asked, with a coy tone._

"_Good question, my friend," Kisame said, as they walked off toward the kitchen._


End file.
